Cobwebs

***I obviously started this post yesterday afternoon...i am not delusional about today's rain***

I am currently sitting in my favorite coffee shop, listening to my favorite "keep me from getting distracted" music...and i keep getting distracted by the beautiful sunlight outside. I've missed it the past few days. And i have a feeling that I will be missing it the next few days. So I'm trying to soak up as much of it into my retinas as i can before i get depressed by all of the beautiful gloomy weather and rain coming our way. Which to be honest, I will probably love just as much as the sunlight. But it's all about balance Mother Earth...so keep the sunshine and gloom evened out and i won't complain a bit :)

If it's not obvious, my mind is a bit muddled right now. I've been going non stop for so long that my mind hasn't really had time to catch up. In the rare moments that I have where i have time to just BE, it seems i've forgotten how. Like somehow amidst all of the clammer and hab-bub of doing...that part of me that gets refreshed by spending time by myself has gotten buried under piles of to-do lists. I'm not complaining....I love to-do lists. And i love staying busy. And i will basically do anything that my church asks me to do (and even some things they don't ask me to) because I love it so much. And while i don't love my job, i still want to be good at it while i'm there so i'll pretty much do whatever they need done. But i think i let myself get a bit out of control lately....and i've found that when i try to stop and catch my breath...i think i've forgotten how to breath.

So my goal for October is just that. Breathing. Which means i've got to simplify some things down. One of the things that means for me right now is simplifying my reading list. I'm a bit of a book whore. It used to be that i would read one book at a time...and it would change my life. I may read it again, or i may just let it sit for a while in my mind so i could ponder all it had to say before moving on to the next book. Eventually i started slowly adding books to the mix. "Oh this one is good. I'll have a fiction and non fiction book at the same time..you know, depending on my mood!" Then it was "I want to learn about the grace of God and spiritual warfare both at the same time." Until it reached the point that i was saying "That prayer and fasting book would be so well complemented with a book about the end times. Also i really need to master the Arabic language and plus I really just need to read Twilight again since it's fall. Oh, look at that cute outfit on the front of that magazine! I'll buy 3!"

And as it turned out, i wasn't getting too much out of my books anymore.

So I've simplified it down some. Because in addition to not getting too much out of reading anymore, i've found that just in life in general i've got a ton of stuff..thoughts and opinions and facts and ideas...coming into my brain...but not nearly enough of the word of God. Not even close to enough. So I'm taking a bit of a "book fast" if you will...It's basically an effort to mute down some of the voices so that I can better hear God. Because to be honest...sometimes i tend to become more committed to my commitments than I am to loving and pursuing God. And honestly, what is the point of all of that other stuff if that one aspect isn't properly in place?

Anyways, all of that to say...there are some basic, fundamental things i have to get back to before i lose myself. And when i slow down enough to start processing and thinking and hearing God speak over all of the chaos, then i start to write more. I have to or i just lose it all. And i won't digest my thoughts and my life properly. And things can become dark pretty quickly if that happens :)

So chances are, these thoughts are going to meander their way onto this corner of my life. Because if there's anything i need to learn to be...it's transparent. I am far too opaque most of the time. So i'm unofficially sweeping the cobwebs off of this little blog and am going to try to put it to good use.

Wish me luck :)