Never Say I Never

When I was in Florida a couple of weeks ago, Carrie Beth and I stumbled across the cutest little bookstore ever. As we meandered around, soaking in all of the books and the cuteness something caught my eye and I immediately fetched CB to my side. As we gazed up at what was in front of us the area seemed to be surrounded in a holy glow of light and I'm pretty sure Carrie Beth stopped breathing for about 30 seconds because we were standing in front of her idea of holy ground.

I had no idea that so many books could be categorized as "southern fiction" but we had a blast searching through all of the titles and trying to reign in Carrie Beth as she wanted to buy every book she set eyes on :) I bought one book and then we moved on to a day that will forever be known as the day that I spent more money shopping than i ever have before.

As soon as we got back to the house we were staying in I cracked open the book and eagerly began devouring it. Carrie Beth warned me what the main story line might not be something that i would enjoy a great deal, but I waved her away like it didn't matter because hello, i read her last book and it was fabulous and surely it can't be that bad.

It was that bad.

The thing is, if it weren't for what the story was actually about I would be singing this books praises from the heavens. The author is a phenomenal writer and I am completely obsessed with her words, and there is one side plot that has held my thoughts for several days now.

The book is The Mermaid Chair (Sue Monk Kidd's last book was The Secret Life of Bees. Sooo good), and it's about a woman who has an affair with a monk. I know, I know, how in the world did I not notice that I probably would have a problem with that? I don't know...my love for good literature must have blinded me.

The one side plot that I am obsessed with is about the main character's mother who is suffering through some kind of emotional/psychotic breakdown throughout the book. The main character spends a lot of time remembering her mother's relationship with her best friends throughout the years. I've always loved movies and books about women who have been friends forever. Who have known each other through life's ups and downs and hold tight to each other's secrets because of the loyalty of their bond to each other. It's because of this reason that I must admit that I absolutely loved the Ya Ya Sisterhood movie and why I must admit again that I have been pestering Callie since i've read this book to have a movie night where we watch it at her perfect house :)

There is one chapter of this book that I have read and re-read. In this chapter the main character is recounting a moment of her childhood that describes in perfect detail an outsiders view of the bond held between her mother and her closest friends. She remembers a friendship ritual that the women concocted on the spot that irrevocably tied their lives to one another. As she is remembering how deep these friendships go, here is something that she states: "Something struck me then: I'd never done any of those things my mother had done. Never danced on a beach. Never made a bonfire. Never waded into the ocean at night with laughing women and tied my life to theirs."

As i read that i sat back on my porch swing and digested the idea of what I'd just read. As I rocked slowly, I thought back on my life and how blessed I've been to always have a bounty of close friends, and even more blessed to have a handful that I would say I've metaphorically waded into the ocean with and tied my life to theirs. It is my desperate prayer that those friendships will hold through marriages and babies and distance and tragedy and disagreements. But most of all, through time. I don't want to be a person that looks back on my life to think "I never lived enough. I never loved enough."

It is my prayer that God would continually remind to really live fully in the places and relationships and circumstances that He has placed me in. That I won't wake up one day with regret saying "I never".

God has been showing me the importance of "embracing the moment" for a while now. I've been so focused on the future for so long that sometimes it's been hard for me to fully appreciate what God is doing in the now. And even harder for me to appreciate where I am at in the now. This has been a summer of ups and downs. A season of neck breaking speed and slow crawling time. It has been a time of growth and renewal. And a time of bitter honesty about who I am and who He is. I guess what I'm trying to get at in this long rambling post is this: Wherever I'm at. Whatever I'm doing. However I feel. I want to do, feel and be to the absolute fullest. I want to see God in everything that happens. I want to love and i want to live.

End of story.