Becoming Me Again

(thunder rumble)

I've discovered about myself that the longer the breaks i take between blogging the harder it is for me to blog again.  I keep meaning to post and keep meaning to post and then when i finally have a chance to, i feel overwhelmed with all the things (thunder rumble) that i have wanted to say and then i feel building pressure for it to be amazing....and then i crumple under the pressure which results in no blog.

I've also discovered about myself that i am much more likely to blog if there is some kind of weather event going on.  A storm is moving in and for some reason i thought it would be appropriate to document every thunder rumble as it makes it's way towards me.  I'm not sure (thunder rumble) why i think that....but this is my blog and if i want to obsess over weather patterns i feel i am entitled to that :)

I've felt kind of lost lately.  Not in a 'depressed, i hate my life' kind of way.  Not even close to that. But more in a 'i've been so busy and distracted to take time to notice the little things that make me, me' kind of way.  I am usually a pretty happy person by nature, but i've noticed a pattern.  When I get busy and begin to obsess over things that aren't the Lord, my time with Him begins to get less and less.  And then the less time i spend with Him the more i stop noticing the little things about life that usually give me more pleasure than anything.  And then it's not necessarily that i get "unhappy" as much as i just am more easily aggravated and annoyed by small things than i usually am.  Oh, and MUCH more judgmental.  And really, who am i to be judgmental of others AT ALL? 

There has been a shifting the past couple of weeks.  It's not necessarily that i've gotten any heavy revelations from God or anything...it's more that He's just slowly re-revealing Himself to me through small joys.  And reminding me of the things that I love about Him.  And the things that He loves about me.  

One of my favorite things about my job is getting to hear all of the different stories that people come in with.  (I never said i was good with conversational transitions). I am the doctor's assistant at my work which means i get to go into consultations with him all day as he tries to decide who he can treat and who he cannot.  And one of my very favorite things that i hear come from the lips of pretty much every man over the age of 70 is when they call the doctor "doc".  I love it.  I had one elderly man this week that said these words in his slow southern drawl "Well Doc...I just think that if I were able to get this back pain under control that I would be able to get up and run a foot race!"  A FOOT RACE!  I don't think i've heard those words since i was about seven years old!  And it took everything in me to keep myself composed and not laugh out loud.  Because i think that may have been one of the most precious things i've heard in a while.

ALSO....one of my job responsibilities is to call the patients that will be coming in the following week and go over a few questions with them.  And i kid you not, i had to call a woman this week with the name of Elvis.  She told me that she goes by Christine...which, of course makes sense...

But it took EVERYTHING in me...i'm talking biting down on my lip and repeating to myself over and over in my head "do not say Elvis. do not say Elvis"  to actually not call her Elvis.

Such a waste of a name if you ask me.

This has been a wild smorgasbord of thoughts that i have decided to call a blog today.  Hopefully now that i've broken the blog ice i can be back later this week with a more organized thought process.  And if you haven't noticed the thunder rumbles have stopped.  So i'm off to investigate and beg God to move that enormous storm i saw on the radar earlier a little closer to my house :)

Love.