It's been a tumultuous couple of months between me and Him.
Me feeling forgotten. Him not saying a whole lot.
At least that's how it felt. Now that i can back up a little and look at it somewhat objectively, it was more me getting mad at Him and not listening...so therefore not hearing anything He may have been saying.
But finally..FINALLY..i couldn't take the silence between us any longer.
It's ridiculous to me how my mind works sometimes. Because, seriously? The past two months have been a time when i have needed Him more than ever. But that fear thing that keeps coming up? It keeps paralyzing me. Not just in my actions and my thoughts, but actually deep in my heart.
I could feel it building for a few days...just this knowing that i wasn't going to be able to go much longer by just myself. And then finally, the dam of self reliance broke and Friday i hit the floor kicking and crying. And there i met Him again. And when i left that floor, i felt like a totally different person. Filled anew with hope, and actually feeling his presence deep within me...exactly where that fear had been residing.
It brings me to a new understanding of "for you were formerly darkness, but now you are Light in the Lord; walk as children of Light"
God, that I may be able to walk in the Light and not in the darkness of fear.
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