My God Day

Written on November 6, 2008

Is it a coincidence that today, the day I have set aside to seek after God, to demonstrate my dependence on his strength and sovereignty by abstaining from food,  to wait patiently to hear from Him, that He would send people one after another to speak into my heart and my life to remind me that he hears me, and loves me?

I need desperately to hear from God. To know that He is moving.  To know that this leap of faith I took towards unemployment wasn’t just a desperate attempt to get out of a job I hated but that it was something God was calling me to.  That it was the deeds to my faith.  That it wasn’t just words but action.  I’ve not had many job leads since I quit, and quite honestly I probably haven’t searched as hard as I could have.  Because the idea of going back into a job that I don’t really have passion or purpose in is completely unappealing to me.  Even the jobs that are actually made to help people less fortunate than me are not appealing to me…not because they lack purpose, but because they seem to lack the purpose that God is calling me to be purposeful to.  I don’t feel necessarily called to any jobs that I’ve seen…the only problem is that I’m not even sure what I’m looking for.  That is where my trust in God is being stretched and grown.  Where I’m having to rely on my faith that He has not forgotten me.  

Today as I was reading through my theophostic manual it was talking about the role sin plays in the theophostic ministry.  He basically was talking about the renewal of the mind and how vital that it is to really live in the freedom God longs for us to live in.  As I was reading and reflecting and praying over what was being said God really began to impress hard on me how absolutely necessary it is for me to get a couple of areas in my life really taken care of.  He began bringing these areas of sin to light in my mind and really showing me what this sin has been doing not only to me but to the plan He wants to place me into.  As I reflected on this, every part of my life seemed so orchestrated by Him that I wanted to laugh.  I quit my job with complete confidence that God was calling me to that so that I could go easily into wherever it was He was placing me.  And I still completely believe that.  However I didn’t see that all this free time…this time that I hadn’t had before, that God would use that to show me the places within me that aren’t completely surrendered to Him.  Some places where I am still believing lies…and some places  that I’ve even been in bondage to.   And I realized that apart from all this free time for Him to show me these dark places of my heart, I may never have really dealt with these areas. 

And if I’m begging to God to use me…really use me in big ways to bring the world to this loving relationship with our Father…of course He is going to want to make sure that the places in me that are still in darkness would have His light shone on them.  And I praise Him for that, because I would much rather have to deal with them now before I have a chance to ruin my testimony of God’s word by them.   So I’ll keep job looking, but more than anything I can’t wait to use this time to really get every area of my life under complete surrender to Him.  To face the hidden lies that I have been believing and to hear and feel God’s truth spoken into those places. 

A little later I left my house to go to Starbucks and get some much needed caffeine and endless pleasure of reading and people watching.  My friend Carrie Beth arrived shortly after me and we chatted for a while as we sipped our coffee.  She shared with me this book that she is currently reading that is about the seasons of life.  The part she had me read was about autumn and he described in almost perfect detail the very reason why I love this wonderful season so much.  But a couple of other things he said really stuck out to me as well.  He said “Quietly, without flare or fanfare, God graciously moves upon our lives, taking us from summer to autumn, a season when He mysteriously writes His agenda on the tablets of our hearts.  Patiently He waits for change to begin.  Without exception, it does.”  Wow.  That is exactly where I feel like I am!  He is patiently waiting for the change that He has started.  And there’s even a promise in the word that I can rely on if nothing else!  “God Who began the good work within you will keep right on helping you grow in His grace until His work within you is finally finished on that day when Jesus Christ returns (Philippians 1:6)”  He has began the good work in me!  I will wait patiently!

And if that wasn’t enough of God using outside sources to speak into me, as soon as Carrie Beth left, my friend Tyler walked in.  He told me he was getting a quick cup of coffee before he had to be at work.  “Man…Becca, I so salute you in what you did with your job”  he told me.  I asked him what he meant and he went on to say how hard it is to be in a job that you have absolutely no passion or purpose for.  He told me that he has been wanting to move lately.  When I asked him why this was he said that there are some things he really wants God to do in his heart and that if he has to move for God to finish this work in him than he will.  We began talking about this, because it is a similar place to me.  I absolutely love Conway.  I want to always call it my home, and always return to it.  I think of it more as my home than I even do my real hometown that I spent the first eighteen years of my life.  It’s a place where I really began to learn who God was, and it’s a place where indescribable healing has taken place.  I told Tyler that I believe Conway is such a place of healing…that it’’s almost like a little bubble where people come in and find out who they are in God.  I absolutely believe that Conway has a certain spiritual covering over it…and I truly believe that hurting people that come into this town can get the healing and life changing works of God that they need.  However, as much as I love Conway and the people here, there is such a huge part of me that feels I may be being called to move.  I told Tyler that it seems to me that a place like Conway is a great place for people to come into and encounter a life changing God, and receive teaching that raises people up to move out and share that with the outside world.  And that’s why I believe so many people that I know are in the same stage of life as me…who love Conway with all of their heart…feel like they are being called to leave the bubble here and share this with people who haven’t had the privilege of living in such a Godly place.

We talked awhile about that and what it could mean, and then Tyler had to be off to work.  As he started to leave he looked at me and said “Becca, this was just such a great five minutes of conversation.”   I full agreed, and thought how is it that God has used three different back to back encounters to seemingly speak to me the same theme over and over again?  Healing…God’s plans…Healing…God’s promises.   I know that I do not comprehend his power or his plan…and that is something I love about Him!  I am so glad he is in control and has not left me to my pathetic little plans!